An unfamiliar acquaintance called few days ago.

I was surprise.
Actually I was rather shocked.

I barely know this person.
I've seen her once, 4 months ago.
We've exchanged not more than 5 sentences.
And she's a friend of a friend of one of the guys whom I not close to.

Gee, how did she get my number...


She started her conversation with a "I know I've to talk to you. You seems like a person who gives shit about everybody, even a new friend you've just met..."

Wow... I'm flattered. And a chill went down my spine. She's so right. I do give shit to people around me. Even my ex. Then a question pops into my head. How the hell she detect that when all we ever exchanged was, "Hi, I'm... You're..." "Nice to meet you" usual sort of greetings...

She started crying as the conversation moves on. 65 minutes into the conversation, I got the full picture of her intention of calling me. She was left out of the group whom I used to hang out with. I think the most appropriate word to use here is boycott. I can't help but feel pain for her, even though it was obvious why she was left out. I can't help her. I can't advice her. It was a wrong move from the beginning.

Her plight reminded me of my own experience. One and only. Took me 3 years to overcome completely. My situation was slightly different though. I was left out of the group becoz someone manipulated to hide some truth. I end up being looked upon as being sticky to the group. Nobody really sees what's underneath all these commotions.

I was upset becoz I know what's going on, and suspects what might happen. Hence I confronted the group why I was left behind. I chose to fight becoz once upon a time I chose to forsaken the group becoz they're not my friends to begin with. I know how its like to lose friends through bad relationships, so I chose to step aside. But they touched me by holding on to me and stand by me. I'm not ready to lose a bunch of friendships that were hard earned due to somebody's selfishness. Friendships are so valuable to me.

I'm a carefreer. I've never once being bothered of being left out. I can't be bothered if that happens. What boils my blood was someone wronged me. That's one thing I can't stand. I've went extremes before just to set the wrongs right, whether in work or in private, to me or to the people important to me. So imagine my anger when I'm being left out for the wrong reason, being wronged. My girls agreed and sympathized my plight. James was the only one who think otherwise, he saw me being a little sticky to the group. I suppose its the age thingy... He have learned to look away when people wronged him. So long his conscience is clear, he's not bothered. But I was young and I was still short-sighted.

James once told me that everybody sees your actions differently from what you portray. I know. That's why I fought. I stood up for myself. But it backfired. The other party was too strong. I end up with a scar that prevented me from making new friends. That prevented me from trusting people. That prevented me to see myself confidently.

Nobody else saw the damage except James. That 3 whole years was difficult. I had difficulties trusting all my friends. I had difficulties trusting my housemates. I had difficulties trusting my classmates. I was practically keeping to myself and had only James and my family to support on, miles away from me. I even had difficulties in confiding in my own girls.

Today, I still give shit to people around me. But I pay extra attention to those who really, truly cares about me. I've learned to overlook those who cares for nobody else but themselves. (You know one side in, one side out at the same time) Sometimes old friends' paths intersected with mine once again, and I find it hard to resist. James' always there to remind me. He's always protecting me, becoz I'm a big softie!

I've also came to realize the girl who once hurts me that bad has not changed much. She still haven't realized the damages she accidentally created to those who had the taste of it. Yet I see most of the group (whatever has left of the unfortunate events after mine) have matured, even moved on to the next stage of their life. If I can see that, that would mean I've matured on too. I don't hate her. I've forgiven. Now I can hang out with the group freely without feeling the pain that once tore me apart.


So my advice for you, dear one. Wipe your tears and get heal for the wounds. Best you stay away from the past and move on. There's nothing you can do now. Just remember... if you're really as bad as they make you feel, then look around you. If you're that bad, you probably don't have any friends left by your side by now.

But that's not true. You're still surrounded by people who loves you, your best friend, your churchmates, and your family. Learn to differentiate what sort of friendship each person has build with you. Take that as a hint and practice that differentiation accordingly :)

Remember, nobody gives a shit when the other party is focused on their own hurt/pain/humiliation. And people around the both of you would shunned coz nobody likes to be entangled with such problems. You've to depend on yourself to overcome it.

Like James always reminding me: "Some friends are meant for life. Some are only good lim-teh buddies. Some are only good to meet up once a year. You just have to recognize who's who."

Often, most people just wanna move on without wanting to close the case. Just take it in your stride, and tackle it sensitively along the way. Life's too short for you to be looking for a good closure. I know you cant pretend it didn't happened. I bet you the other party would get pangs of guilt every now and then. That's a good punishment as the other party would be suffering from that all through his life. Just sit back and let nature takes its course.

And, its nice knowing you.
Hope the best for you and be positive ok?

Now now, chin up and cheer up...
Storm will be over soon.